Rez HD Review ( 2 out of 10 )

February 19, 2008 ... Review by Chad

XBLA - $10

Rez HD is one of those games that promises to bring home Christmas dinner and then takes the easy road and gets KFC instead. Don’t get me wrong, KFC ain’t bad, but compared to what everyone else is having for Christmas dinner, it can only be described as average.

Rez HD is like that KFC, but you must have went to one of ‘those KFCs’, and you were shorted a thigh, your coleslaw, and you actually somehow got extra mashed potatoes… but ironically only one gravy to go with it all.

Where all this is headed is just to one place, a rip-off of another game done very badly. Rez takes a good idea (I believe they called it Panzer Dragoon back on the Sega Saturn), dummies down the graphics, throws in a couple of beats here and there that are supposed to represent a soundtrack, and says “Check is out, it’s a ten dollar game on XBLA that’s entirely worth your time!”

Well, it’s entirely NOT worth your time. This game is a joke. I should have known better than to get this because it was an awful game on the Dreamcast, the PS2, and now it’s an awful game on your Xbox 360.

The controls aren’t even as good as what the Sega Saturn offered in the original Panzer Dragoon (I will continue to compare the two games for the entirety of this review because they SHOULD be somewhat similar). Your shooting crosshair moves much too slowly, and you only shoot one type of laser. You can’t rotate to see what’s going on behind you, and you can only see parts of the side of you, and you probably wouldn’t want to either, because if the option was allowed, it would probably take you a fortnight to do so.

People just picking up the demo are going to be pissed right off the bat because the vibration setting for the game is turned OFF at default settings. Why would this be? Beats me, but it’s probably the same reason they allow all of your Xbox 360 controllers to vibrate to some sort of beat. Honestly, I can’t venture a guess on either of these.

The game is too short, but it’s amazing because it seems like it’s far too long considering there’s nothing to do except blaze through the entire game in an hour or so without dying until you get to the fifth and final stage. The last stage is the only time in this game that you even start to have fun. Too bad it’s too short. If the rest of the game was like the last stage, maybe we’d have something to work with here. However, the rest of the game plays and looks so terrible that 1985 actually called me and asked for it’s game back. Unfortunately I can’t get a refund on my game, but you can do yourself a favor and save your points for a real game like Omega Five, Poker Smash, or Heavy Weapon.

This game made me sick, and I hope that you don’t have to suffer what I did and play the game through its entirety. Also, the “bonuses” in the game in the way of extra modes aren’t even worth mentioning, so I won’t even bother.

Again, the game started with a good idea called Panzer Dragoon, and ended up with what should probably be the training scenario for an old Atari 2600 game. Maybe in 1985 these types of games would have caught on, but in 2008 all that can be said is that this game is right up there with Yaris, which also happens to be a steaming pile that’s available on XBLA… except you don’t have to pay for Yaris.

Achievement Information – Out of a total 200 achievement points, you get 100 just for beating the game, and then the other 100 aren’t worth your time. But then again, neither were the first 100 points.

Completion Time – Who cares? Probably an hour or so though. Then you can unlock boredom hell if you REALLY have nothing else to play.

REZ HD At A Glance
	2.0	The Goods	The fact that you don’t have to buy it. You can try the demo and then NOT BUY IT.
		The Flaws	Dropping that ten buck on the worst game since Yaris. Playing this game at all.
	Why?	The Verdict	Everyone who says this game is good is insane ... don't be THAT guy.

 

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