Kane and Lynch Review ( 10 out of 10 ) ...
April 1 , 2008 ... Review by Mike
Listen ... I know what you’re thinking ... but I really don’t know why everyone was giving Kane and Lynch the crap that it was getting. It’s got a stigma about it ... it’s the game that cost Gamespot’s Jeff Gertsmann his job. First of all ... that is just a rumor that is most likely untrue ... and second ... he was a big fat loud piece of crap who needed to shut up anyway. He ruined the Hotspot every week he was on it ... sorry but I digress.
Kane and Lynch is in fact a fantastic game. From the moment I picked it up I felt as though I was experiencing a perfect video game for the first time in my life. The story of Kane and Lynch is so good that it needs to be made into a movie immediately ... of course directed by Michael Bay. This game puts you in the shoes of Kane and Lynch ... two of the most interesting characters in human history ... screw Hamlet and Harry Tasker from True Lies. You really care about both and I cried my eyes out when they finally surrendered to their passion and made beautiful love after mission seven ... sorry for the spoiler.
Kane and Lynch’s game-play is so crisp that you can nearly perform actions by simply thinking them. The shooting is much better than Halo and Team Fortress combined ... even if they joined forces with Call of Duty, Quake, and Unreal tournament to form a Voltron-like robot ... it still couldn’t hold a candle to K&L. The multi-player is the finest of
any game ever created and is like being in the movie Reservoir Dogs but with the intensity turned up to 11 ... plus seven.
What about the graphics you ask? The visuals are so amazing that I literally found god within the graphical presentation of Kane and Lynch. If Kane and Lynch’s graphics were a religion ... they can have my faith, money, and soul for all of eternity and I am not exaggerating. The sound in this game is comparable to that of a Spielberg War Movie and the sound track rocks so hard that it can change the physical properties of things with its rocking.
Overall this might be the single greatest piece of interactive artwork ever created by the hand of man. Not only that ... but Eidos is the best publisher that ever existed and has really shown what video games are capable of. Thank you Kane and Lynch and Thank you Eidos for fulfilling me as a human being. From this point on ... every "10" we give out shall be known as a "Kane and Lynch."
And yes ... if you didn’t know it by this point ... this is our April Fools joke. IF you accidently bought Kane and Lynch because of what we said ... I’m truly sorry.
Kane and Lynch At A Glance |
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|---|---|---|---|
 |
11 |
The Good |
Will make you feel like you are Hugh Hefner without the wrinkley old balls. |
The Bad |
If you stop playing it once you start ... you'll have heroinesqe withdrawls. |
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God-Like |
The Verdict |
The best use of an APril Fool's Joke since your mom. Scroggs! |
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1. Larry the Cable Guy said this on April 2nd, 2008 at 6:24 am
Apparently no one thought this was funny, Including me.
2. Wil said this on April 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am
It was mildly amusing. Gave me a chuckle. I knew this game sucked, so it couldn’t be serious. I have talked to enough people who have played this, and told me to avoid it.
3. The King of Reading said this on April 2nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
No one thought this was funny? Are you kidding me?
It’s a crappy game, and this entire thing is sarcasm. Well, at least I thought it was funny. The only time it’s not funny is if you listened to this week’s show and decided that it would be a good idea to buy the game. If that’s the case, I feel bad.
But no one bought this thing, are you kidding me? This game is a steaming pile.
4. Eric said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 am
All I know is that sometime I masquerade as Larry the Cable Guy.
5. Derek said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 am
Oh, absolutely.
6. The King of Reading said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 am
Are you kidding me Eric? If that was you, you’re a sad man.
Oh absolutely.
7. Wil said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
Hey Chad…that is just not nice. You should be nicer to Eric. He’s cool.
8. Mike said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I think it is truely ironic that you chose to post a comment that this story wasn’t funny as the most overrated comedian ever. Larry The Cable Guy?
9. The King of Reading said this on April 3rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I still don’t believe it’s Eric.
There’s no way that we would put that much thought and time into this blog. On the last show for God’s sakes, he was actually doing a fantasy baseball draft. I don’t need to tell anyone out there how messed up that is. First, there’s the fact that fantasy baseball exists…and oh yeah, I’m not supposed to go into the details as to why that’s not so cool…because you already know.
And Wil, don’t worry about the us ripping on Eric thing, it’s natural. In fact, it’s all we know. We’ve been doing it since about 6th grade, so that’s well over 10 years of him hearing it from all of us and some others. We all get ripped on by each other from time to time, but when you see gaping holes in defenses, finely-tuned soldiers know no better than to exploit weaknesses.
Plus, he likes the attention. I swear it’s true.
10. Larry the Cable Guy said this on April 4th, 2008 at 4:13 am
I dunno why that Eric is claimin’ ta be me. I love dis show and really do listen ya’ll. Ya’lls better than a greased up pig race.
Git r done!
11. Wil said this on April 4th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Hey Chad, I like to rip on people too…ok, just Derek actually (acheivement unlocked). But if you don’t leave my favorite podjockie alone I am gonna come to Japan and kick you in the…knee. 
Looking forward to the show this weekend. Have a good one fellas.